A bit of truth from me.

Honestly, I don't want to bring back the anger and sadness to NaNo, which is why I'm posting it here.
For all my life, at least since I started lying, I put a barrier around myself. It blocked out all the emotions around me so that I don't feel devastated. But it also worked from the inside, too. I wouldn't show any emotion except my anger, which was too hot to keep in. If I kept it in, I would burst. And I would never burst. I told myself to never, ever, burst.
So that's why people thought--think--of me as a terrible, short-tempered girl. I kept in all my other emotions. I wouldn't let anyone in, I wouldn't let myself fall.
But I had been falling the whole time.

My barrier's been breaking ever since November. I let all you Wrimos into my heart and into my life.
Did I ever stop lying?
No.
Some simple things I lied to you about, because I was so embarrassed. I lied. I lied. And lied. All those lies kept on growing together.  I didn't want people to think I was the dumbest person in the world.
I didn't want my new friends to think I was terrible.
I never wanted to lie. It just came out. I know I am terrible. But, as said in "Rise of the Guardians" by Jack Frost, I don't know my center.
Am I truly a bad person? Or am I one of those good people?
I have no idea.
And I feel as if you guys barely know me.

And recently, I knew my barrier was breaking. I knew that there would be no denying my life anymore. I knew that I had to come back to home, and my family. I was telling everyone that "I was coming back to real life."
But honestly, it's breaking me.
Not my barrier, it's breaking me. I feel like I'm dying. I'm still lying, I'm still pretending...
I don't know what's going on.
I've been lost for so long. I separated myself from my own family. And now I don't know how to come back.
I tried talking to my mom, I tried going on walks with my brother, I tried playing video games with my other brothers, I tried spending little girl time with my sister, but nothing is working.
It feels as if no one trusts me anymore.
But they have a good point to.
But every time I lie, I feel guilty. Does that mean I'm a good person?
Not if I keep on lying.

So here I am. Trying to redeem myself. I don't care.
I'm going to come back to the real world.
The internet will be a dream that I'll continue to visit.
And all my friends here can be fiction characters. Well, not real ones. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Okay, fine, not fiction characters. Except for Lem, of course. She's always fictional.

I just hope that you guys know that I'm not giving up, so you shouldn't, either.